Triangulation: Systemic Alliance against a Person

Sometimes we can’t help forming an alliance with a person against another one. It happens to us involuntarily almost every time we get together with that person. For example, the father with his daughter against the mother. And we may be able to observe the opposite alliance then: mother and daughter against the father.

This occurs whenever an adult cannot have a two-people relationship without introducing a third person. In the previous example, the father cannot manage to relate to his wife without introducing his daughter, and when he introduces his daughter, he uses her against the mother: both form a joint front against the mother.

These triangulations show the presence of an excluded person. The manipulated person, the “triangled” one (in this case, the daughter), represents an excluded person who parasites the father-mother relationship, as a result of not being acknowledged –in this case, by the father. The system manifests his presence by means of the daughter.

This exercise may be done by one person only (where she represents all the roles), even though it is much easier among three or four people.

The person imagines herself, her ally, and the third person despised by the first two ones.

She puts herself in each role to feel where they stand and the movement if there is such. In this way, she may observe what relationships exist among the three.

Now she adds or imagines an excluded person behind her ally, and she becomes aware of the changes. She will remain for a while in the excluded person and in herself, until she can feel love towards the excluded person again, including her back and releasing her, until the excluded person can leave, with pleasure.

Afterwards, observe how your relationship with your ally has changed.

Now, look at the person you were despising and perceive the change that has taken place also.

To finish, experience the new relationship among the three. The despised one and the excluded one have come out of the field of exclusion, and the first two people have left the field of manipulation.

Sometimes the person may be able to know who was the excluded one.