Solving a Conflict (NLP)

To be undertaken by one person.


Exercise to heal a relationship or solve a conflict.

Conflicts originate from a difficulty to understand the other person and integrate her point of view with mine.

This NLP tool allows us to open up to each other, moving a relationship in the direction of something better for both of us. The results that are reached for both people are surprising.

  • I define three places: one for me, another one for the person with whom I have a conflict, and a third one for an unknown observer.
  • I imagine the person with whom I have the conflict in front of me. I summarise in one word or sentence what I feel.
  • I put myself in the place of the other person, looking at the first one, and I wait until I can feel something and I can also put it into one or two words.
  • Now I stand in a third place: the place of an observer. This is an observer who doesn’t know any of the previous people and who observes the relationship among the two.

The observer also says what he sees in a few words.

  • I repeat this sequence, going through all three places, in the same manner, until the problem between the two former people has disappeared.

This usually requires a minimum of three rounds.

This may be undertaken also with a son or daughter, a group of people, a class, or a topic I feel uncomfortable about.

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