Former Partners

This exercise is about respecting the natural hierarchy by which he who came first needs to be honoured by him who came later.

Our couple relationship will be much better when we are able to respect that natural hierarchy.

Our children will be better too, for if we haven’t thanked an old partner, one of our children will have to represent her, living all her love experiences without being aware of it, and feeling also more like a friend or lover to one of her parents than as a son or daughter, with disastrous consequences.

If you are a woman, imagine your former partners on your right; the most recent one (the last one) closer to you, the oldest (the first one), the furthest away.

If you are a man, imagine your former partners on your left, the most recent one is the closest to you, and the oldest (the first one), is the furthest away from you.

Look at your first partner, and say to her something like:

“Thanks for your love. It was great. I loved you very much. Now it is all over. All what I learned with you I took it to my other relationships. Thanks for having made room. You are free, I am free. I hold a special affection for you. I wish you the best.”

Repeat this for each of your former partners.

If there was pain with any of your partners, if you are still angry, add:

“I chose you for all what happened.

I acknowledge the hurt I caused you, and I assume the consequences.

I leave with you your part of the responsibility.”

And now, looking at your current partner, say to him:

“You are the last one. Thanks for being with me. Thanks for your love. I love you exactly as you are.”

Now you need to honour all your current partner’s former partners. You should not ask him about them. Imagine those you know, and if you feel that there could have been some more, include them.

In front of your current partner’s first partner:

Bow your head before her.

Then say to her “You are the first one and will always be the first one. Thank you for making room for the other partners and for me.”

Then, to your partner’s next partners (one by one, which is better):

Bow your head before her.

Then say to her “You are the second one (the third one, the fourth one) and will always be. Thank you for making room for the other partners and for me.”

You might notice that the former partners have left, that they don’t have a weight anymore on your current relationship. Now you and your current partner can have a greater intimacy, now you are available for each other.

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