NEW FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS

The Movement of the Spirit (The New Freedom, Part I)

October 2010

I am standing now, and I am a different Bert Hellinger.

The one you know from previous years, I do not know anymore. Now I move in a different field, and now I am going to explain what I mean by this. Many people used to come before to this kind of courses in order to solve something for themselves, and their expectations were focused on me, as someone that could help them. These expectations they were placing on me made me fall ill.

Why? Because I was interfering with their fate.

And I experienced first-hand how dangerous this way of helping can be.

Those greater forces that work through me, and in every one of us to the same extent, do not bear being encroached upon. Yet, we thought we were doing something good.

From the very beginning in Family Constellations, we could see that representatives feel like the person they are representing. It is incredible that something like this can happen. And then, we followed it and called it “therapeutic method.” Can there be anything crazier?

Here, from the very beginning, another force manifested in him who wanted to help and also in representatives. That force took them in its service. And then, we pushed representatives here and there as if this could be of help, as if we had permission to intrude. And the ones who guided the constellation, and I include myself, used to say: “Tell me, what is your problem? What are you coming with?” And someone would state their problem and we would take it seriously and say: “Ok, let’s constellate it.” But those forces wanted what is good for us. Those family constellations are over. It is becoming more and more dangerous to still try and work in that way, and we can also see the results of that kind of family constellation.

I say it openly and I won’t protect anyone. Those family constellations are over.

What is now in their place?

Can you still listen to me? Is this interesting?

Then, I simply take seriously the fact that every representative is guided by something different, and that I am guided by something that is totally different, and that I can only move forward in so far as I can experience it like he who is guided. And when that ends, I end too. I finish.

I call this new form of Family Constellations “following the spirit.” We have never thought of it in this way. We haven’t reflected upon representatives not being themselves, but being taken by another force that leads them. And when a representative wants to escape from this because he has some personal objective, everything falls apart. The representative that behaves like he had to help must be replaced by another one immediately. Otherwise, nothing can work. And this also applies to me. When I work I am an intermediary and something different takes me in its service and disciplines me. Then, something totally different to what a person may wish or imagine takes place. This person is also taken in service and disciplined.

Well, now it’s time to observe how this works. This way of working is necessary for success. Here, it’s not possible that nothing happens, because everything is in tune with a greater force. Are you ready for this?

Ok. This course is called: Orders of success in our personal and professional life. And it is about this, first of all. I will simply start with someone and it won’t be me who picks him. Whoever wants to work with me, lift your hand.

(A woman)

Hellinger: As you can see, I don’t look at her. That would turn my attention away from the attunement with another movement. But I am tuned in with her; with her as much as with her mother and her fate. Now I wait until I feel moved by something inside, by a different force. And I surrender fully to that force.

Hellinger to the audience: How does this make you feel? I know nothing and yet, everything. Imagine that one of you goes to her and starts asking her questions. Can you imagine a greater usurpation? How much they are taking away from her, with that intrusion, in that internal movement of the spirit! I am going to say something about religion. Am I allowed to say something like this? Every religion means a similar intrusion in the divine movement. Every one.

Meditation

Let’s imagine someone from whom we wanted help and whom we chose to trust. What happened in our soul at that time? And what happened in our body? Did we turn stronger or weaker? Were we calm and centred or agitated? Were we still grounded or did we lose our connection with the Earth? Were we like children again or did we find ourselves in the fullness of our strength as adults? Did we have the courage to move away from our wishes and expectations? What fears did suddenly emerge in us? Were we afraid of death?

And then we considered internally, what is the path that leads to death? And, far away from life, was that the path we wanted to take? Or rather another one that demands all our strength? In which path shall I stay? And which is the path where we have no strength and are small?

I give you an example so you can feel this more. I give the example of a mother who is expecting a baby. How does she achieve a connection with the child that is inside her when she is with the child, and attuned? Through her agreement to everything that awaits her, just as it is, in her pregnancy, and above all during birth. How can that connection last? When it is deepened and its limits accepted.

Now we can apply this to ourselves and imagine that we treat our life with care. When will we be attuned? Living fully with all the risks? And when this connection is broken?

(To the audience) How do you feel about this? Can you feel the internal change that is expected here from us? We are going to apply it now to Family Constellations. When someone says: do a constellation for me, where is he standing? Where is his strength? And what happens with he who leads the constellation?

I’m going to provide concrete examples.

Sophie and I delivered a course in Rome. There was a woman who had two children who were born by means of a caesarean delivery. She herself came to this world through a caesarean delivery. We constellated it. Sophie embraced that woman to help her experience her own birth. That happens often in Family Constellations. Those who are familiar with Family Constellations, know it. I do it, Sophie does it, others do it if they have the strength for it. Then we interrupt it and we go back to it again later.

What happened there? The child that was born by means of a caesarean delivery and his mother. What a loss that was in many ways. We experienced it at many levels together with participants, and then we published it in the DVD “Trauma by caesarean. Results and Solutions.”

We learned many things there. For instance, in Florida they don’t allow any child to be born naturally, only by means of a caesarean delivery. Women who want to give birth differently have to leave the state. What hides behind this is Doctors’ fear of being sued if something goes wrong during birth. With a caesarean this doesn’t happen.

At another course a woman said: I would never have a prenatal test (this is a test to find out if the child will have any disability). I agree to this child just as he is. Some constellations are a bit like a prenatal test, or sometimes the people do not look their fate in the eyes and the constellation reminds one of a caesarean delivery.

Can you realise that it is time to face reality? And to start a new path?

And now we’ll have a break of half an hour.

I’m going to continue. Do you have any questions?

(A woman gets up) Hellinger: Think of your question very well because my answer must be deserved. I do not answer questions that lead nowhere. A sentence is enough to make a question (the same woman wants to take the microphone, but Hellinger doesn’t let her).

Hellinger: I will be in control (he smiles).

Woman: Have I understood well regarding what you have said about the caesarean, that I have to renounce my family constellation?

Hellinger: My question is, do I have to reply or did she reply herself?

Woman: I am not sure.

Hellinger: It is obvious that you already know, and there is no permission to say anything else about this. Ok. That was an important question. We have learned thanks to her. Thanks.

(To the audience) This kind of patients is good for psychotherapists. Psychologists earn a lot of money thanks to them. Anyone else wants to ask a question? (He loughs).

Another woman: What was dangerous in the former family constellations?

Hellinger: Usurpation. Ok.