Orders of Love

Translation of “The Orders of Love in Everyday Life. Extracts”, by Bert Hellinger, August 2005. Published at http://www.insconsfa.com/arth_los_ordenes_del_amor.shtml by Brigitte Champetier de Ribes. Please note only some extracts of this article are presented here.


I imagine how many of you have come here with a special expectation of something being achieved for life, because we can see that, in many relationships, people often love each other deeply but this love does not reach its target. We can even observe that love is as if in opposition to life. For instance, when a child takes care of something that belongs to his parents, and he says internally to his mother or father “I have your destiny in your place”. Sometimes they even say “I suffer on your behalf”, “I fall ill on your behalf”, “I die instead of you”. This love is against life. It is a blind love.

But the great love is in tune with life, it is in the service of life. And this is the theme of this seminar: to learn what kind of love goes with life and serves it. This love is the one that makes us happy and is for all.

Now, in our soul, we are joined to many people. This means that, together with our family members, we move like we are within one soul; that we are moved by a common soul. And in this big soul, everyone is present, always. Thus if I look at you, I see more. I see your mothers and I love them, and I respect them; and I see your parents and I love them and respect them; and I see your brothers and sisters, and your grandparents and great grandparents, all your ancestors, until very far back. They are present here, with us.

If you want now, close your eyes and feel your mother in your soul, her love, your love toward her, and feel your father, and your brothers and sisters, and your grandparents and all your ancestors, until very far back. They are standing behind you. And may be some of them are waiting for you to look at them, for you to thank them, for you to allow them to help you. Suddenly, you may feel joined to something greater.

Then I do not work only with each person, with the individual. I am in the service of his family. And when I work here with individuals, I do not only work with them and their family, I look at everyone at the same time. And everything I do then is also in their service and the service of his family. And, in this way, we all here become a big family, joined together with respect and love.

Tuned in with your sound

Perception exercise.

Most of you are in a couple relationship. And those who aren’t have some person to whom they feel very close.

Now feel and listen internally to your tone, your own tone, your own sound. Everyone has his own sound. And allow that tone, that sound, to vibrate, until it does it with great purity. A pure sound. Your partner, another person that you love and to whom you know you are very close, also has a sound. And you try to listen to that sound until you succeed in it, until you can listen that pure sound. And that sound is different to yours. And yet it is too a pure sound. And now, listen to see if these two sounds are in harmony. Even if they are different, they vibrate harmonically, in a pure harmony. And in that way, you are both bonded from a very deep place. Despite being different, you sound together.

When I work with a person, I listen to the other person, and the other person listens to my sound. And I wait until that person’s sound and mine vibrate together. Then, yes, I can work.

Systemic connections

[Note of the translator: Hellinger’s work with a woman who suffers of pain in her hip is described over a few paragraphs in this section, only the final excerpt is presented in this translation]:

(…) [Woman]: (…) all my family was in a concentration camp.

[Hellinger]: Ok, then the issue is much bigger. Now you are tuned in. Now you are with your love. Close your eyes. Look at the dead, look at them… Now something that is very difficult for you is going to take place. Are you ready for this? Now you look at the dead and the dead look at their murderers. And they look beyond their murderers and you look, with them, at the murderers and God[1]. And you say to the murderers: “I love you too”. Say to them: “I am also like you”. Take your time because the dead are saying the same to the murderers: I also love you and I acknowledge that I am like you. And then, note the movement that starts among the dead and the murderers, and join that movement in front of God.

I want to explain something. All those people that we remove from our heart, gain power over us. This is why it is possible to observe whom are they excluding from their heart: the murderers (a very clear example is of course the Jewish families who suffered the murder of many of their members in the concentration camps). And what is the result? In those families, there are representatives of those murderers, and then some of them have killing energy, and they are like the perpetrators.

[Hellinger to the woman]: And you had perpetrator energy but I have shown you the way to come out of it, through the dead, because they do the same movement with the murderers, with the dead murderers, because they are already dead. And now you can have a great future ahead of you.


[1] Sometimes Hellinger uses the term God to refer to something greater, or the Spirit Mind, though in many of his writings he warns that the term “God” reduces the reality behind it, evoking the excluding and limited images of it that we tend to have and that religions hold.

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