New Family Constellations
María Escribano del Moral
SYSTEMIC EXERCISE: Disentangling a Conflict
Systemic Exercise: Disentangling a Conflict
by Brigitte Champetier de Ribes
Recommended when we have a conflict with non-family member(s), for cases like harassment, mobbing, rejection, feelings of antipathy towards someone, contempt, etc.
1st - Radiography of the current situation
Put a piece of paper on the floor for yourself (A) and a piece of paper in front of you, about two metres away, for the person or group with whom you have the conflict (B).
Stand over each paper long enough to notice how your body feels and what attitude or movement it takes.
Now you put another piece of paper behind each one (C and D). We don’t know who these are.
Stand on yourself again; you will notice that you don’t look at the person with whom you have the conflict, but you look behind, at that new role (C), or that new individual, represented by the piece of paper you have placed behind.
Then stand on top of (B). You will also notice that (B) is not looking at you but rather at the person behind you, s/he is looking at (D).
This is the reason for the conflict: each of you is disordered and cannot perceive reality. When you are in front of (B), you think you see him/her, but who you really see is (C). And it happens the same to (B).
2nd - Constellating the projection or transference
Now only (A) and (C) will remain (you will only continue working with these). These are you and the person your unconscious sees.
Represent yourself now, knowing that (C) is in front of you. Stand there for a while, letting yourself be moved very slowly, very recollected. Either nothing may happen, or you may find yourself looking at the ground, or off into the distance. Wherever you look, you know there is an ancestor.
Then you stand on (C) and do the same, wait, let yourself be moved very slowly. Same thing, wherever you look there is someone.
Now you are going to put yourself on the different ancestors or dead that have emerged, so that through you they can move or look at someone.
Represent in this way the different people who have come out. Go back to some of them if you feel it´s necessary, until you notice that they start to feel at peace.
Sometimes you may notice that a dead person or an ancestor is clinging to you and does not want to let go, for which you will then do the exercise “Helping a Dead Person to Finish Dying“.
When you feel like it, represent yourself again. Now honour each and every one, or honour the whole situation, with love and gratitude, whatever has happened. Do so until you feel that everything is at peace.
Then stand up, turn towards life and move towards it.
3rd - Healing thanks to a resonance with your constellation
Go back to the way you were in the beginning: you in front of (B).
Stand on yourself and observe how you feel and how you look at (B).
Now stand on (B) and feel his or her change towards you. You will see that now s/he is looking at you. (B) is also healed thanks to the resonance.
Stand on yourself again, and say thanks or feel that you both hug (B).
[Note by M. Escribano: Do not force this outcome, sometimes you may see that the other person turns to the past or other excluded people or ancestors, you will feel that this is her business and you will need to leave the work at this point.]
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